There comes a time in one’s life where nothing makes sense but self destruction because what’s real becomes fake and what’s fake becomes real, when joy turns into sorrow and sorrows add on. There comes a time when pain is all that’s real and you hold on to it by your teeth, because after that’s over, you have nothing.
Well I’ve reached that point, perhaps too soon, in my life where nothing makes sense and all I can do is break all that’s around me, hoping to rebuild myself after this, praying for the sunrise after the sunset, for the gasp of air after lack of breath, for the light after the dark. I’ve been broken down to my core now, I’m no longer in one piece, and I’m everywhere in everything yet never together, detached from anything I know, attached to nothing, floating to nowhere. I’ve lost myself because I couldn’t keep track of where I was. Who I was, became a word or two, something someone else would say, but it didn’t have me in there, because I was numb, I had nothing, just breathing in and out, overwhelmed by life and its power over me, its power to take me, shake me and break me down.
It’s stripping me to the core, like old wires, naked, struggling to withstand time, I throw the towel in, I can’t find what a way out, the current of life is too strong for me, who am I to fight it? Who am I to tell it where to go?
How did I loose myself, how did I forget who I am and who I wanted to be? How did I let everyday bite more off my soul? and now I am left with this nothing. Overwhelmed not by life anymore but by the lack of it in my heart, by this emptiness, by my ability to take everything and turn it into nothing, throwing my life off a plane without a parachute and jumping right off with an umbrella with broken spikes. How do I fly now? Or better yet, how do I land?
I am here, bare and full of nothing, trying to find where I belong and someday I will, there is nothing left to take, shake and break, I’m as broken as I could be.
